Don’t forget where your journey started. You’ve come long ways so far and still have strength and resiliency to go way further.
Be the change you wish to see in the world, be a difference maker.
Not everyone will relate but those who do will see lots of worth in the value you offer.
I’m trying to restore my heart in a place of solid gratitude. A lot of the time I am happy with what I have but I still fall down to the place where I become ungrateful and resentful. I’m working towards bettering my connections with all of mother nature.
As hippy as that may sound its the truth. I’m working to build better connections with myself and others. When it comes to myself I’m working on getting better sleep, working on maintaining a fitness routine, working on bettering my finances and working on establishing overall clarity in my endeavors.
Each day I try to contribute to my overall plan. In my long term plan I would like to help others while still being my true self doing so.
I feel like I would love to be a social worker. I would love to help the less fortunate or the people who are in a place of hopelessness.
What I did was I looked at a social worker course online and I wrote down all the classes. I then looked online for a PDF version of a textbook that would be relevant to those classes. Essentially I’m taking the same courses I would as if I were taking the course but I am doing so free of charge and with no certifications.
My whole life I’ve been one to give up easily on things. I would always start thing with great hopes of accomplishing great things, I’ve accomplished a lot but as of lately I haven’t accomplished much.
When I was in high-school I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. All I knew is I loved football and wanted to be a football coach. I told myself I would own a gym. I told everyone this. Sadly to say I was pretty delusional in my younger years.
It took me a long time to start building realistic goals. I use to have all these fancy ideas of how things would play out but to bad for me, they never happened.
Before I knew it I stopped looking forward to something. After high-school passed I went to college, took a business course cause I didn’t know what else to take.
I kept hope alive for a long time with the gym idea, I really did. I probably convinced a lot of people I would too.. but probably looked like a fool to most.
I use to be so in tuned with what I wanted and I would do anything to get to where I wanted to be. I accomplished a lot but I never met my goal of owning a gym.
As it is I began writing blogs, since I started I gained a huge boost of confidence and understanding of myself.
I’ve come to know that I’m not crazy and I actually had an intense mindset when I was younger.
The thing that has come to hurt me the most was denial. I denied a lot and would seek to find answers that fit my criteria.
For the longest time I’ve been working to escape reality. Some of my behavior was productive but some of my behavior was just me “being busy“.
I’ve been stressing for a long time. I’ve been alone to reflect more than one should.
I never lost sight of my strength, my resiliency and my ability to rise above my given circumstances.
The last few years I’ve been building a lot of negativity in my life. I’ve been building walls between me and reality. You know what they say “thoughts become things” and I was thinking way to much, not in the right way either.
I was overthinking myself to my doom. I even thought at one point I could think myself out of the situation. I would plan and plan and plan but the thing I lacked was integrity and follow-through.
I’ve come to realize you can’t overthink your way to happiness. I’ve come to terms with the stages of creating change (pre-contemplation, contemplation, action and maintenance) and I no longer sit at the contemplation/pre-contemplation stage.
I use to offer so much resistance against what is but I think it’s cause of my rejection of self. I was so far into denial that I thought I was actually happy even though I’m a cripple to substance abuse.
Your psychology is what you make it and the philosophies you live by will create the realm you live in. I’ve come to understand that I have a family/brain disease which is my addiction to marijuana.
Even though I have an addiction this doesn’t make me any less of a person it only means my mood will fluctuate based on how much I consume. My mood will never be stable unless I’m constantly finding ways to get high.
But hey, it is what it is.
Maybe that’s my therapy for the time-being, maybe it’s my medicine. Maybe if I wasn’t smoking weed I’d be hooked on something else?
Even though I’ve been a chronic pot smoker I’ve always been able to grow as an individual. Addiction destroyed a lot of my potential but it also helped me to see things for as they are.
This moment is an accumulation of all the good and bad that was and is. Choosing to deny the bad of the past is like choosing to deny memories and reality.
We are all that we are. Accept it.
The moment I stopped resisting and being so argumentative is the moment I began growing.
Don’t get so caught up in who’s right or wrong for a particular situation. The only thing that matters is that we do our best with what we’ve given. If we don’t know the answers we should be honest with the fact.
We shouldn’t feel burdened to ask for help. That was and still probably is my biggest flaw.
Why do we struggle to ask for help even when we are on our last straw about to do something drastic?
A lot of us are afraid of feeling judged for our insecurities so we keep them contained never to spill. If we hold our insecurities inside we are inevitably giving way for future disruptive emotions.
We need to learn to find our balance between being passive and aggressive. It’s so important we become assertive or else we will never be happy.
I was the kid to sit in silence forever. I thought nothing could ever hurt me. If I was in a situation where I was stuck “waiting” in an uncomfortable setting, I was on point. I was so good at not-socializing and accepting uncomfortable interactions.
I would do this so often, holding all my emotions inside till I would eventually erupt with emotion.
This was the free-fall of my demise.
Only when I learned to become comfortable socializing and expressing myself was I able to find my true fulfillment.
Writing blogs has helped me so much, I couldn’t even begin to explain.
Before I began writing my blogs a year ago I was a lost child. I had so many great ideas but never took the initiative.
Blogging helped me uncover so much of my subconscious. It allowed me to see into my flawed thinking and allowed me to build a direction for myself.
It’s so nice to have a collection of your own thoughts so you can evaluate yourself and your beliefs. I think that’s what blogging was for me. I always had strong deep beliefs to the point where I began to question myself.
I remember one time my best friend was trying to correct my thinking and he told me there was “no God“. This wrecked havoc on my well-being as weird as it sounds.
Only when I began believing whole heartedly did I start actually feeling what they call “grace” and holy did I ever need this.
Since I began believing whole heartedly “grace” has been more and more of a constant in my life. I’m learning to see the good in everything despite flaws and imperfections.
Life is what you make it and I’m determine more than ever to make it something worthwhile.
Man life is great. Haha. So this post may seem like a bunch of jumbled thoughts but it’s cause I’m so excited to be able to gain insight from my past. Each post I become more and more self-aware.
So with this I just want to say thank you to all my readers.
I wish you the best and I hope you can find your “grace” as I did. I’ll keep writing and if you ever need some positive insight be sure to check back with my blog.